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Fifteen Men
PATRONS Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for
the rest!
Yo ho ho
and a bottle of rum!
Yo ho ho, Yo ho ho, Yo ho ho…and a bottle
of rum!
Come on in! Welcome to The Admiral
Benbow!
Make yourself at home though it’s
a dark and dingy inn!
Billy Bones, a crusty salt, is
telling his story,
So if you’re sitting comf’tably
he’d like to begin:
BONES I’ll tell the story as long as you lot keep yer
portholes tight shut….
Dialogue
BONES …I’ll keel haul the lot’a ya!
BONES Captain Flint and his cut-throat
crew,
Had a great big pile of treasure
on board!
PATRONS Paid
for with the blood of innocent men!
BONES These buccaneers of the very first
class,
Had made a massive mighty hoard!
PATRONS They
murdered once, they murdered twice, they murdered again!
PATRONS What
to do with this booty,
To keep it safe and sound?
Stuff it under the mattress?
Or keep it in the ground?
It’s safer in the ground! Yo!
Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for
the rest!
Yo ho ho, Yo ho ho, Yo ho ho…and a
bottle of rum!
BONES The pirates sailed to a desert isle,
And shipped their treasure to the
shore.
PATRONS They
dragged it to a secret place way out of the way!
BONES Just in case when they returned
their memories failed them,
PATRONS A
map was made of the route that day. A sensible plan!
PATRONS Pirateering
and treachery,
Go hand
in hand you see!
At the moment the crew was done,
Old Flint got out his gun!
And shot them one by one!
BONES And
they say the ghosts of Flint’s
poor crew still roam the island!
Dialogue
BONES …What are you looking at?!
PATRONS A Fifteen
men on a dead man’s chest!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink
and the devil had done for the rest!
Yo
ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Yo
ho ho, and a Yo ho ho, Yo ho ho, Yo ho ho…So tell us: Where’s the map?
PATRONS B Fifteen
men on a dead man’s chest!
Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Drink and the devil had done for
the rest!
Yo
ho ho and a bottle of rum!
Yo
ho ho, Yo ho ho, Yo ho ho…So tell us: Where’s the map?!
[top]
We’re on our Way!
The Crew of the Hispaniola
featuring Big Jesse and Black Dog
CREW A Throw the mooring lines ashore!
B Raise
the yards and pull the oar!
A+B Now the anchor’s weighed we’re ready to go!
A Now the topsail is unfurled,
B We are off to see the world!
A+B Sail away ‘til we’re homeward bound!
A+B We’re on our way!
An adventure will begin today!
Yo ho! We’ll go,
To whichever way the breezes blow!
So come what may, let’s sail away!
And with any luck we’ll find our way
back home some day!
A When the skipper gives the shout,
B We prepare to go about!
A+B Cos we always do as we are told!
A And we’d never rock the boat,
B Just as long as it’s afloat!
A+B And we’d never ever mutiny!
A+B We’re on our way!
An adventure will begin today!
Yo ho! We’ll go,
To whichever way the breezes blow!
So come what may, let’s sail away!
And with any luck we’ll find our
way back home some day!
BIG JESSE When
the storm begins to blow I get scared and go below,
Where I
shut my eyes and cover my ears!
As the
ship begins to roll, I ask God to save me soul,
And I wish
I was at home again!
BLACK DOG I have
a heart as black as coal; me breath it stinks of grog!
I’ll hunt
you like a dog; and that’s how I gets me name!
For I’m in
charge of punishment and you’ll have me to thank,
When
you’re walking the plank, and it’s service with a smile!
CREW A+B Heave ho, me matey boys,
He’ll
hang you from the mast!
Heave ho, me matey boys,
And when a week has passed:
You’ve
lost all hope; you cannot cope:
He’ll drag you around on a piece
of rope!
It’s part of his job to flail and
flog,
And they call him the Black Dog!
We have a little secret that
we’d really like to share,
We’ll tell you if you swear to
keep the secret too!
We heard a little rumour that
there’s treasure over there,
And we only think it’s fair
that we have our little slice!
MR ARROW Chop,
chop, men! No time to waste! Time and tide wait for no man!…
Dialogue
SILVER …Ah,
but we’ll be a credit to you and the Captain. Ain’t that so boys!
PIRATES Ay,
ay! Ha ha! etc…
CREW A+B Heave ho, me matey boys!
We’re bound for the burning sands!
Heave ho, me matey boys!
Away to the foreign lands!
A
thoroughfare to God knows where!
We don’t know the way and we
really don’t care!
Through storm and sun we’ll drink
our rum!
Wake us up when we’re nearly
there!
SQUIRE Charming! What a marvellous crew we have, Mr
Arrow! (To the CREW) One more chorus!
CREW A Throw the mooring lines ashore!
B Raise
the yards and pull the oar!
A+B Now the anchor’s weighed we’re ready to go!
A Now the topsail is unfurled,
B We are off to see the world!
A+B Sail away ‘til we’re homeward bound!
A+B We’re on our way!
An adventure will begin today!
Yo ho! We’ll go,
To whichever way the breezes blow!
So come what may, let’s sail away!
And with any luck we’ll find our
way back home some day!
Come what may, let’s sail away!
And with
any luck we’ll find our way back home some day!
[top]
Facing up to the Danger
Jim Hawkins and offstage
chorus
JIM This is the moment I’ve been waiting
for!
A chance to prove how brave I am for
sure!
A hero upon the seven seas,
Having a big adventure!
And now it is really happening,
I have to admit my knees are
knocking a bit!
CHORUS (off) Ev’ry honest || soul on board is relying on Jim!
Survival now || is || in his hands
|| salvation lies with him!
If he fails to see it through then
the future’s looking grim!
Ev’ry honest || soul on board is
relying on Jim!
JIM This
is the moment I’ve been waiting for!
A chance to prove how brave I am for
sure!
A hero upon the seven seas,
Having a big adventure!
And now it is really happening,
I’m facing up to the danger!
[top]
We’re Gonna be Rich!
SOLO Living
as a pirate has its ups and downs,
SOLO You
have to take the smooth times with the rough!
SOLO It
isn’t always sunny and you’re sometimes all at sea!
PIRATES Yes,
all in all a pirate’s life is tough!
SOLO But
there’s one buccaneering bonus!
SOLO A
perk of the job you might say:
SOLO Some
treasure that a Captain’s map has shown us!
PIRATES So
now we dream of riches ev’ry day!
We’re gonna be rich, boys!
We’re gonna be rich!
When you’ve got lots of dough,
Then life can run without a
glitch!
An affluent lifestyle with money
to burn!
It’s much more fun to spend some
money which you didn’t earn!
SOLO A
brand new bandanna!
SOLO A
barrel of rum!
SOLO A
opulent manor with room for mum!
SOLO Yes!
I’d buy a haircut!
SOLO And
I’d buy some hair!
SOLO I’d
buy a hammock, which I wouldn’t share!
PIRATES Yes!
Life will be sorted when we’ve got the cash!
And then we simply wouldn’t
switch!
‘Cos pain turns to pleasure,
When you have the treasure!
Oh yes, we’re gonna be rich!
We’re gonna be rich, boys!
We’re gonna be rich!
And no one will believe that we
were dragged up from the ditch!
We’re up-wardly mobile!
We might even wash!
We’ll mix with high society and
talk so very posh!
SOLO ‘Oh…isn’t
it spiffing?’
SOLO And
‘How do you do?’
PIRATES We’re
social elite, we’re the chosen few!
Yes, a privileged lifestyle,
Looks down
on the rest!
We are
superior and simply best!
Yes! Life will be sorted when
we’ve got the cash!
And then we simply wouldn’t
switch!
‘Cos pain turns to pleasure,
When you have the treasure!
Oh yes, we’re gonna be rich!
Waltz then Soft Shoe Shuffle
Yes! Life will be sorted when
we’ve got the cash!
And then we simply wouldn’t
switch!
‘Cos pain turns to pleasure,
When you have the treasure!
Oh yes, we’re gonna be rich!
Oh yes, we’re
gonna be rich, boys!
We’re
gonna be rich!
And no one will believe that we
were dragged up from the ditch!
We’re up-wardly mobile!
We might even wash!
We’ll mix with high society and
talk so very posh!
SOLO ‘Oh…Isn’t
it spiffing?’
SOLO And
‘How do you do?’
PIRATES We’re
social elite, we’re the chosen few!
Yes, a privileged lifestyle,
Looks down
on the rest!
We are
superior and simply best!
Yes! Life will be sorted when
we’ve got the cash!
And then we simply wouldn’t
switch!
‘Cos pain turns to pleasure,
When you have the treasure!
Oh yes, we’re gonna be rich!
Yes! Life will be sorted when
we’ve got the cash!
And then
we simply wouldn’t switch!
Our smiles become longer,
When knee deep in wonga!
Oh yes, we’re gonna be rich!
Oh yes, we’re
gonna be rich!
Oh yes,
we’re gonna be rich!
[top]
I Wanna Go Home!
Black Dog and Big Jesse
BLACK DOG I’m
going home, I can’t deny,
That
I wanna taste mum’s apple pie!
No one
ever told me just how hard life would be!
No
one ever told me there was only one lavat’ry!
I’m
going home and there I’ll stay!
Never
more to sail the briny foam!
I
never was cut out to be a pirate!
And that
is why I wanna go home!
I’m going home. It’s safer there!
Ev’ry
night I say a little prayer!
Please
God, if you’re listening, just give us a break!
The
weevils in the biscuits give me terrible stomach ache!
I’m
going home and there I’ll stay!
Never
more to sail the briny foam!
I
never was cut out to be a pirate!
And
that is why I wanna go!
Why I
wanna go!
And
that is why I wanna go home!
BIG JESSE This is not like you, Black Dog!…
Dialogue
BIG JESSE …Wait! I have an idea!
BIG JESSE We’ll
take the ship!
Perform
a mutiny!
And
we’ll be heroes then!
BLACK DOG I
don’t like this!
Not a
bit of it!
It
scares me half to death!
BIG JESSE You
really are a feeble bloke!
A great
big scaredy cat!
We’ll
take the ship,
Perform
a mutiny!
So there
and that is that!
BLACK DOG I’m
going home and there I’ll stay!
Never
more to sail the briny foam!
I
never was cut out to be a pirate!
And
that is why I wanna go!
Why I
wanna go!
And
that is why I wanna go home!
[top]
Up the Jolly Roger!
PIRATES Up
the Jolly Roger!
Symbol of our trade!
With blood and toil our sacrifice
is bravely made!
We love the skull and cross bones!
And all that it stands for!
It scares the living daylights out
of ev’ry foe!
Up the Jolly Roger!
It flies above our head!
It fills the hearts of enemies
with fear and dread!
So proudly we display it!
We never would mislay it!
The trademark of the buccaneer
throughout the world!
So up the Jolly Roger!
Don’t dis the Jolly Roger!
We’d miss you if you were to ever
go!
So up the Jolly Roger!
We love you Jolly Roger!
We love you more as ev’ry day goes
by!
We love you Jolly Roger! No lie!
No lie!
[top]
A Pirating Life
The Pirates featuring Long
John Silver
SILVER When I were a lad, an innocent
nipper of seven was I,
As I recall me father said to me:
‘If yer want to be rich and see
the world then you should try,
A career as a buccaneer on the
briny sea!’
‘Are you suggesting a pirating
life?’
‘Ay, ay’ he says to me!
‘If you want to keep some jam on
yer knife,
Then a pirate you should be!
Then a pirate you should be!’
SILVER And I
tell you what, Jim! My old man was right! It may not be entirely legal but it’s
the best profession on the planet! Ain’t that right now, boys?!
PIRATES Ay, ay! It is that! etc…
PIRATES And
it’s a very glamorous life just living a pirating life!
With glittering jewels and a
shimmery shiny sea!
We could spend a whole life just
living a pirating life!
The pirating way is the only way
to be!
Robbing the rich and then helping
ourselves,
Like nautical Robin Hoods!
We are devoted to filling our
shelves,
With various luxury goods!
It’s a maritime shopping spree!
We’re Sovereigns of the sea!
A wonderful way to be!
There’s nothing as wild and free,
As a buccaneer! It’s a good
career! It’s the pirating life for me!
And it’s a very glamorous life
just living a pirating life!
With glittering jewels and a
shimmery shiny sea!
We could spend a whole life just living
a pirating life!
The pirating way is the only way
to be!
Dance
Robbing the rich and then helping
ourselves,
Like nautical Robin Hoods!
We are devoted to filling our
shelves,
With various luxury goods!
It’s a maritime shopping spree!
We’re Sovereigns of the sea!
A wonderful way to be!
There’s nothing as wild and free,
As a buccaneer! It’s a good
career! It’s the pirating life for me!
And it’s a very glamorous life just
living a pirating life!
With glittering jewels and a
shimmery shiny sea!
We could spend a whole life just
living a pirating life!
The pirating way is the only way
to be!
A pirating life!
A rollicking life!
Devil-may-care!
Go anywhere!
Sovereigns of the sea!
So won’t you join our company?!
[top]
I’d
Rather Have a Lump of Cheese
Ben Gunn and his Bevy of Island
Beauties
BEN Marooned
here on this island – three long years ago,
Stranded
in this garden of delights!
By lucky chance I stumbled on this
friendly tribe of girls:
I was not alone in paradise!
These pretty maidens hadn’t seen a
man since they were born,
They insisted on converging to my
cave,
And though they took good care of
me,
And made me feel at home,
There’s always been just one thing
that I crave!:
Just a little bit of Mozzarella!
A slice of Cheddar would be nice!
A nibble at a crumb of Stilton!
Just a single Gloucester would suffice!
I’m an ordinary man by nature,
And I love the birds and bees!
To the casual observer it may seem
a bit absurd,
But I’d rather have a lump of
cheese!
BEVY He’s an ordinary man by
nature,
And he loves the birds and bees!
To the casual observer it may seem
a bit absurd,
But he’d rather
have a lump of cheese!
BEN I’ve
got mangos by the dozen, golden beaches by the mile!
I’ve got swaying palms and great
big coconuts!
I’ve got blue lagoons and sandy
dunes!
And fishies in the sea!
And a cocktail bar that never ever
shuts!
A luxury vacation with lot of time
to muse,
To make up tunes and words that
marry well,
But whenever I allow my mind to
wander or to roam,
This cheesy song begins to grow
and swell!
Just a little bit of Mozzarella!
A slice of
Cheddar would be nice!
A nibble at a crumb of Stilton!
Just a single Gloucester would suffice!
For the fact this song is very cheesy,
I offer no
apologies!
‘Cos when pushing
comes to shove, I’ll write a song to do with love,
But I’d rather
have a lump of cheese!
BEVY For the fact this song is very
cheesy,
He offers
no apologies!
‘Cos when pushing comes to shove,
he’ll write a song to do with love,
But he’d rather have a lump of
cheese!
BEN ‘Cos
when pushing comes to shove, I’ll write a song to do with love,
BEN But
I’d rather have a lump of cheese!
BEVY But he’d rather have a lump of
cheese!
[top]
Island Paradise
The Squire, The Doctor, Mr
Arrow and Ben’s Bevy
SQUIRE We’ve
found the perfect place to sit and dream!
It’s just the
thing to let off steam:
A trendy beach bar with a theme!
TRIO We can dream as the slender
palm trees gently sway,
We can sit and relax and slowly
drift away,
Soft and warm are the breezes blowing,
Our faces are tanned and glowing,
And the rivers are quietly flowing
through this paradise!
Only mad
dogs and Englishmen sit out at noon!
Yes, we
worship the sun god in the month of June!
Now slip
into a deep siesta!
It’s
sunnier here than Leicester!
Be our
guest and enjoy our island paradise!
DOCTOR Lay
down by the clear blue water,
ARROW Of
a beautiful blue lagoon and pass the day,
SQUIRE We
have ev’rything we oughta,
TRIO So
pour another cocktail - ice and slice!
You must admit it’s very nice!
This is
our island paradise!
BEN’S BEVY enter and
perform a hula dance completely unnoticed by the trio
BEVY They can dream as the slender
palm trees gently sway,
They can sit and relax and slowly
drift away,
Soft and warm are the breezes
blowing,
Their faces are tanned and
glowing,
And the rivers are quietly flowing
through this paradise!
Only mad
dogs and Englishmen sit out at noon!
Yes, they
worship the sun god in the month of June!
Now slip
into a deep siesta!
It’s
sunnier here than Leicester!
Be our
guest and enjoy our island paradise!
DOCTOR Lay
down by the clear blue water,
ARROW Of
a beautiful blue lagoon and pass the day,
SQUIRE We
have ev’rything we oughta,
TRIO And
if given the choice I really think we’d stay!
TRIO+BEVY So pour another cocktail - ice and slice!
You must
admit it’s very nice!
This is our island paradise!
[top]
The Treasure
Dance
The Pirates
SILVER Well
blister my blue barnacles! A dance that will lead us to the treasure! (He
looks at the PIRATES who aren’t sure!) Come on lads! In for a penny…! Read
‘em out, Jim!
Slightly bemused by the content,
JIM reads the instructions in time to the music:
JIM (reading) So
you want to go find the treasure?
Follow these directions,
There’s really nothing to it!
Let’s mix up some business with
pleasure!
Dig the funky rhythm!
While digging for the treasure!
Can you take a hint from Captain
Flint?
If you’re broke or skint then find
my mint?!
And all you have to do is:
Wave your hands in to the air!
Now turn around!
The treasure isn’t far away!
You’re getting warm!
Join in to a single line!
Work as a team!
Keep on moving to the West!
And if the treasure isn’t there,
You’d better to do it again?!
PIRATE 4 We ain’t doin’ no dance, Silver!
PIRATE 5 That sort of stuff is for pasty landlubbers!
SILVER Lads, just think for a minute…all the shiny things we’ve
ever dreamed of are waiting just for us and all we have to do is…dance!
The PIRATES go into a huddle.
PIRATE 6 All right, Silver, but we ain’t happy about it. We’ll do it
so long as you don’t breath a word of this to another living soul!
SILVER On my life, boys! You have my word!
The PIRATES sing and dance!
It is a really camp dance! The Time Warp meets Saturday Night!
PIRATES So
you want to go find the treasure?
Follow these directions,
There’s really nothing to it!
Let’s mix up some business with
pleasure!
Dig the funky rhythm!
While digging for the treasure!
Can you take a hint from Captain
Flint?
If you’re broke or skint then find
my mint!
And all you have to do is:
Wave your hands in to the air!
Now turn around!
The treasure isn’t far away!
You’re getting warm!
Join in to a single line!
The PIRATES move west
(towards the wings) in a Madness-style line!
Work as a team!
Keep on moving to the West!
And if the treasure isn’t there,
You’d better to do
it again!
They look
around themselves for any sign of the treasure.
PIRATE 3 I
can’t see any treasure! It’s not working, Silver!
PIRATE 4 Someone’s
having a joke on us!
SILVER Trust
me, boys! We’ll keep on dancing ‘til we find that treasure! Now…from the top!
They
repeat the song and dance and leave the stage heading west in a line as per
instruction. SILVER is last to leave. He shouts joyfully over the final strains
of music:
SILVER Keep going, me hearties! We’re
getting closer all the time! Ah! You’re doing me proud! We should go into
showbiz you know! – Long John Silver and his band of prancing pirates! Ah ha
ha!
He exits,
happily jigging away!
[top]
Six Poor Souls!
Flint’s Phantom Crew
PHANTOMS Six
poor souls! Tortured souls!
Slaughtered by our Captain Flint!
But we are here to put you
straight,
We’re hoping you will take the
hint!
We are doomed to trudge around,
This island ‘til the end of time!
And if you don’t heed us well:
Your heaven will become your
hell!
We’re glad to have the company!
So please don’t get us wrong!
It’s good to talk to have a chat!
The days go on so long!
Our message is quite simple:
(We are honest phantom men!):
Please turn around and run away,
And don’t come back again!
Turn back from your journey!
The path you have taken is very,
very wrong!
Give up your search for the
treasure!
Or you will be with us before too
long!
Now you’ve been warned so go!
This place is cursed and we should
know:
We met a nasty end!
Since Captain Flint dispatched of
us,
Our weary way we wend!
But we’ve turned our backs on
piracy!
We’ve gone from bad to nice!
We hope you’ll take on board this
good advice:
Turn back from your journey!
etc.
Six poor souls! Tortured souls!
etc.
We are doomed to trudge around,
etc.
Turn back from your journey!
etc.
And if you don’t heed us well:
Your heaven will become,
A nightmare in the sun!
It’s why we look so glum!
SOLO ‘Cos
we’ve finished all the rum!
Now you’ve
been warned so…go!
[top]
Six Poor Souls! - reprise
Flint’s Phantom Crew
PHANTOMS Six poor souls! Tortured souls!
Slaughtered
by our Captain Flint!
We have
tried to put you straight,
You’ve chosen
to ignore the hint!
You are
doomed to trudge around,
This
island ‘til the end of time!
Because
you won’t heed us well:
Your
heaven will become your hell!
The treasure wasn’t ours to take
and neither is it yours!
Your
greedy attitude to life has shut the open doors!
Our
message was quite simple and we put it to you straight!
But we’re
very much afraid that it is very much too late!
This is
the end of your journey!
The path
you have taken is very, very wrong!
This is
the curse as we told you:
‘The
treasure will kill you before too long!’
We
tried to warn you so!
SILVER Come on
lads! We’re not going to let a gang of ghosts tell us we can’t have the
treasure!
The PIRATES lower the jolly boats closely pursued by the ghosts.
This is the end of your journey!
The path you have taken is very,
very wrong!
This is the curse as we told you:
The treasure will kill you before
too long!
We tried to warn you so!
As you won’t heed us well:
Your heaven will become,
A nightmare in the sun!
Your heaven will become your hell!
We tried to warn you - so!
[top]
Find
the Treasure There
Jim and Company
JIM At
the end of the rainbow,
There’s treasure to be found so
we’ve been told!
At the bend of the river,
Then buried underground is fairy
gold!
You could
spend an eternity looking for your treasure share!
Take a good look around yourself,
And you’ll find the treasure there!
COMPANY At
the end of the rainbow,
There’s treasure to be found so
we’ve been told!
At the bend of the river,
Then buried underground is fairy
gold!
You could
spend an eternity looking for your treasure share!
Take a good look around yourself,
And you’ll find the treasure there!
Will a diamond or ruby,
Pick you up when you are feeling
down?
But think how happy would you be,
CHORUS Just
to see a friendly face appear?
LEADS (Get you smiling!)
CHORUS To
wipe away the final tear! (Keep you smiling!)
COMPANY The treasure is a friend who’s near!
CHORUS At
the end of the rainbow, (At the end of the rainbow)
There’s
treasure to be found so we’ve been told!
At the bend of the river, (At the
bend of the river)
Then buried underground is fairy
gold! (Fairy treasure!)
You could
spend an eternity looking for your treasure share! (There for ever!)
COMPANY Take
a good look around yourself,
And you’ll find the treasure
there!
Will a diamond or ruby,
etc.
CHORUS At
the end of the rainbow, (At the end of the rainbow)
There’s treasure to be found so
we’ve been told!
At the
bend of the river, (At the bend of the river)
Then buried underground is fairy
gold! (Fairy treasure!)
You could
spend an eternity looking for your treasure share! (There for ever!)
COMPANY Take
a good look around yourself,
And you’ll find the treasure
there!
Find the treasure!
Find the treasure!
Find the treasure there!
Yes, you will find the treasure!
Find the treasure!
Find the treasure!
JIM Take
a good look around yourself,
COMPANY And
you’ll find the treasure there!
Find
the treasure! Find the treasure there!
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Ó Steve Kingsbury 2003
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