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Welcome to the Courthouse  

The lady is dragged from the Courtroom amidst heckles and jeers. The noise rises to an excited roar. There is a distinct shift on stage and sudden silence. BRADY rises, assuming the role of an emcee. He dons a top hat and grabs a cane to signify the shift in storytelling. The next number is surreal, turning our Courthouse into something more like a gameshow.


What I need is some sympathy
It's a very public case
I don't think I can cope on my own

Jury & Public He can't cope alone

What I need (if you follow me) is a little outside help
I've been looking for the answers
But the stress I confess
Has prevailed upon me nonetheless

So come meet the witnesses
And we’ll beg them all to tell
Of how sex and a scandal sell

Jury & Public We're dying to know!
Brady Can’t you see that this evidence
Simply cannot just take precedence
Over all the gossip and the slander
No time for candour now
Jury & Public So come to the Courthouse
The place where you're all invited
Where wrongs have so long been righted
We’re glad that you could make it
We know you’ll enjoy it
The hottest seat is such a treat
Make yourself comfortable
The trial has just begun
Ready for some fun?
So give a very warm Courthouse welcome
To our first witness to the stand!
Brady (over applause) Please welcome, Miss Zey Prevost!
Brady Miss Prevost made it clear that dear Fatty was to blame
Prevost That’s not what I said!
Brady She heard Virginia’s cries but he hurt her all the same
Prevost I’ve just been misled!
Brady Oh come, Miss Prevost, now
We’ve been through this before
You said you heard her panicked screams through the bedroom door
Prevost It’s not the truth that you’re looking for
Oh no!
Brady You said you heard her say that he hurt her in that room
Prevost That’s not what I said, you know!
Brady You left her all alone though you knew she faced her doom
Prevost That’s not why she’s dead!
Brady And now you’ve changed your story but no one believes you
Prevost I know what I saw!
Brady How can you let her down after all that she’s been through?
Prevost Mister Brady, I know the truth!
Brady The truth is not the real point, Miss
Prevost I’m not sure that I’m following?
Brady Truth is nothing more than just a point of view!
Jury & Public First we’ll gut her then we’ll roast her
She can join him on a toaster that’s fashioned for two!

Welcome to the Courthouse
With justice served while you’re waiting
We revel in taunts and baiting
We’re glad that you could make it!

We won’t disappoint you
You'll love this place
And every case
Provides disgrace
Nothing else comes close to this for pure amusement
Prisoners weep with sheer bemusement

So gather round
Enjoy the sound
Come smell the fear
Come raise a jeer
Hear the press and watch the witness
Suffer from a sweating sickness
Public Welcome to the Courthouse this fine day!
Life or death?
All a game
Jury We string ‘em up
We cut ‘em down
The greatest show In all of town
Jury & Public We hope that you enjoy your stay!

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